Meet Lily...

Well, meet the newest addition to the home... this is Lily (Livi named her... "like the flower", she says). Yes, we are extremely vulnerable right now... what the girls want, they get. If she looks a bit familiar, it is because she is one of Noni's puppies that we've talked about before. The talk of having a dog hasn't been in our home much over the years, and especially over the timeframe of Sadie's illness; she had no interest in getting a dog for a long time, as we even found a paper on which she had written "No dogs in my home!". That said, the last month or so of her life, she talked more on occasion about getting a dog; she seemed to love Sid (Papaw and Mamaw's dog) and Scruffy (Uncle Nik's friend's dog). And she really loved when these puppies visited. As for Livi, she has wanted a dog for a long time, but the timing wasn't right. So after visiting these puppies recently, Livi again expressed how much she wanted a dog. So our thought was to wait it out, maybe down the road get something at least a year old, trained and all, etc. Not so much. She repeatedly asked if she could have one of these puppies. We gave in. We know nothing about puppies. Thankfully, we have Mamaw to answer our many questions! We hit Walmart and raided the dog aisles. It is all craziness...but she is a good puppy. The girls seem to really enjoy her, and though she has the playful puppy in her, she is pretty mellow. Livi always wants to hold her, and Sam gets the feistiness out of the dog and loves it. It reminds me of the Coppertone sunscreen bottle, with the dog grabbing the baby's diaper... if Lily could reach it, I think that is what she would do, but she settles for the toes instead.

We continue to ease back into life. I have put more miles on the van in the last couple of weeks than in the last few months! We've been out and about, just keeping busy. We've tried to catch up on appointments, we had a wonderful family home evening with Zac's family on Monday, and afterwards had the chance to ride the horses; today, we played hard at Oma's, etc. Livi is also in swimming lessons right now, and is a great little fish. The cemetery is not far from where she has lessons, so everyday after swimming, we go give Sadie a visit. As we won't get her stone for a couple of months (waiting for the ground to settle and then waiting for the stone), we've tried to dress it up a bit... some way to honor her memory. In a way, I feel like I am taking care of her by taking care of where she is laid to rest.

The girls seem to enjoy these visits as much as mom... today, Sam watered the fake baskets of flowers.

Livi wanted to leave some popcorn for Sadie.

Whenever I tell Sam to say goodbye to Sadie, she'll say "Bye, Sadie!", and runs up and kisses a flower. They also both love to blow her kisses as we drive away.

So again, we try to keep busy... trying to find a balance of not forgetting, but not letting the heartache consume us. I'll tell you, it is hard... a balance I have yet to find. The Lord blessed us with a numbness of sorts to get through the last couple of weeks, particularly her passing and services, because it is sure hitting now. The girls were at their dental checkups yesterday, and their sweet dentist was expressing his condolensces; I just got so choked up. It is those kinds of realities that are hitting... taking her name off of records at the doctor and dentist, closing out her college fund, copying her death certificate for various verification purposes... random stuff. Honestly, I could never wrap my mind around her dying... I knew it was the probable outcome, but could never fully comprehend it or what it may entail... particularly, even when she was done with treatment, even with hospice care, even being told we had maybe 48 hours.... even with her last breath. Now that she is gone, I can say that I never could've anticipated just how difficult this would be. Yes, it has only been 3 weeks, but it is so hard. I've heard time will soften the blow, yet as of now, it seems that each day just brings a harder punch. It isn't a facade that we are happy... the events of the day and especially the girls bring so much joy. Yet in those quiet moments and with little reminders, the heart just hurts. It is much like when she was diagnosed... I knew we would fight with our all, yet my daughter had a terminal cancer diagnosis, and there wasn't anything that mom could do about it. Now, Sadie is gone; she isn't coming back, and there is nothing that mom can do about it... much a feeling of helplessness. Gosh, if you can't tell, I miss her so much.

My eyes have been opened more to the Lord's timing. I have reflected much on various promptings that have been manifested and heeded to during Sadie's battle and after, and particularly the timing of them. Zac recently received a new calling in church, and it is again a witness to me that the Lord's timing is quite remarkable. We acknowledge a sure way to feel the Spirit and to endure... to be with Sadie again... is through service in the kingdom, and know that she is helping us as we try to be more like her... to get to where she is.

We thank you for your continued prayers and support. As Sadie was fighting, we would pray for families going through the battle, and those who have been through it. I can attest that we indeed continue to rely on your love and prayers. I also received some more pictures from Sadie's services and will post them when I get them downloaded.

For some updates: Zac had a good chat on the phone with Maryn's dad, Travis (http://www.marynshope.org/). I also had the chance to meet Lucas' parents, Shannon and Aaron, and had a good chat with Shannon (http://www.nelsonsforever.blogspot.com/). ... what a sweetheart. And tough Luke is going through some rough times (www.caringbridge.org/visit/lukepollok)... please pray for and continue support for these families. We are so thankful for good family, friends, and strangers who continue to buoy us up. We thank you for your cards, donations, phone calls, messages, etc. I am easing into thank-you cards, so I appreciate your patience! Can I suggest something? If you have an extra $5.00, maybe hit http://www.justonemoreday.org/ and get a magnet for your car noting pediatric brain cancer awareness (click on "JOMD merchandise" on the left). We acknowledge more awareness of this tumor will come as more awareness is made of pediatric brain cancer. Thanks so much, and our love to you all!